I Can't Make Up My Mind

I feel that I can never really make up my mind. I never really know if I want to continue to study Psychology or do something else. I hate that fact about me. I here in almost my fifth year of college and I still don't know what will truly made me happy to do in the long run. I tried cooking school which I'll get into more details later but I still can't figure it out. Maybe I still don't know who I am.......

Don't Even Get Me Effin Started

I'm in a extremely bad effin mood. I don't know why I came back to this ish hole. Presentations piss me off, at least in the Soc. dept it does. I'm used to a different set of rules in the Psych Dept. For one no one can be late whether or not they are presenting or not, if you are points get dropped from your final grade. Another thing is that no matter what you have to go on your presentation day. All I have to say is eff you back.

Thanks Mom

Before I came to college I was a quite girl with hardly any friends from high school because I did not want any. I had figured why bother I'm leaving in four years anyway. problem was over the summer I decided I did not want to be like that any more. I was going to talk more and be more involved with school and my social life after all, this was a new chapter in my life. Unfortunately, my extreme shyness got in my way so I didn't bother talking to any one when I got here except for my two roommates but since I was a science major and they where Psych majors our schedules were not the same. Since they were the same I got left out of things that they ended up doing together.

So I was upset one day and feeling moody when my mother called me. It was like all of a sudden I could hold it in any longer, the tears just poured down my face. I felt so alone and I was hating my first college tests grades even though truth be told I hadn't really studied. In fact I have studied in high and I still graduated in the top 20 percent. Anyway, a day or two later I had forgotten my cell in my room and my mother called but since I didn't pick up the phone she called my room. I unfortunately was not there but one of my roommates was in the room so she picked up. When I got back from whatever it was I was at, my roomie told me my mom had called the room looking for me. Now I'm pretty good and reading people and their facial expressions and body language and right away I knew something was wrong.

I called the mother unit as soon as I stepped out of the door. It was then she told that she had a "little talk" with my roommate. I could have died the moment I heard what she said. Out of know where this anger and resentment I was feeling came pouring out of my mouth. Now I have never cursed at my mother before or since this incident, but you can say that the words f**k, s**t, and b***h came out of my mouth. I felt so betrayed by her, I have always told my mother almost every single thing I have done but this was the first time I felt I couldn't tell her anything any more. Looking back on it now though it's kinda embarrassing but it's kinda funny since I'm still friends with the girl so cursed out on the phone.

Sadness

Thinking about my past is more sad than I thought it would be. I thought it would be a release and in some way it is but in another is just my failures written down for me and the rest of the world to see.

Welcome to College

Move in Day, a magical day truly. You get to move in all the things you can and what you can remember into a tiny box sized room that you have to live in with some random stranger that the college decides that you can get along with for the next year of your life. To add to the delitement of the rooming situation was that I had to live with two girls in a room made for only two people. Great.

When I was a little girl

So my next step as a future college student was to pick a major. I was not too sure what I wanted to do; I knew I enjoyed psychology and I absolutely loved and still do U.S. History. Then one day during lunch it hit me, I wanted to be a doctor. When I was a little girl I wanted to be just like Dr. Pacilleia, she was my Pediatrician, so what was my major when I first stepped into the doors of LVC. Bio-Chemistry of course.

In the Beginning

When I first decided to continue my education, there was only one thing I knew I wanted, and that was to go to college out of state. In the third grade my teacher Ms. Balbach told our class of fresh young minds that if we didn't get out of the state of NJ for college we would never get out. Now I'm not sure why exactly I kept that statement with me the whole time but I did.

So with that in mind during my Junior year of high school, I looked up colleges to go to in Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Florida. So I did what all upper class men high school students do, I went to open houses, visited, had interviews and made sure I like what I saw before I applied to these institutions.

Thing is the college I decided to go to I didn't follow any of these steps. It happened one day in lunch, I was freaking out because I got rejected from one school even though I had gotten into two others, but I was still panicking. So one of my friends told me about this school called Lebanon Valley College aka LVC. Never heard of it but I decided why not, the dead line was in like one and half weeks. So I quickly put my things together and mail out the application.

I did not even know where the school was, what programs it had to offer, or what the school even looked like, but there it was a few weeks later my acceptance letter. After careful review of all the schools I gotten into I decided on LVC since they gave me the most money. I didn't know what to expect from college or how it was going to go but there is one thing I learned, my new educational journey was about to begin.........